jd4556

Overwhelming. That can't even begin to describe the beyond awesomely awesome gift I just received in the mail. Jeff had asked me what I thought of the NU series KB Quest cards, and if I understood the Through the Looking Glass card. I told him I didn't have them. I couldn't afford the $60 to buy the Killer Bunnies SRV game (starter/red/violet) at the moment, but I was going to try to save up for it after NonCon. He had told me that he had lost my address and asked me for it. I didn't think anything of it at the time, since he's always sending me signed promo cards.

Well, guess what. He sent me a complete set of NU series cards. How am I ever going to repay him? How can I possibly, adequately express how much it (and he) means to me? Perhaps at GenCon next summer I might be able to do something special for him. I have to think seriously about what I could do, other than taking him out to dinner...

I wish I knew why he keeps sending me gifts like this and the autographed Trouble with Triples card.

Well, I kinda-sorta got some bad news today. I won't be attending Origins next year. However, there is good news. I will be attending GenCon Indy next August. Know what that means? I'll finally be able to meet Jeff!!!!!!!! He always goes to GenCon. Playroom is waffling about BunnyCon (big surprise), so there's a chance it won't happen. Not as big a deal now since I'm going to GenCon.

In the subject of this post, I mentioned good news twice. There is a strong possibility that the creators of Chaos Isle, John Perry and Ken Purdie, will be making the trip down from Massachusetts to attend NonCon! This means that I will pretty much be tied up with Chaos Isle and won't be doing anything for Looney Labs, which is not a big deal as Janine and David are more than capable of handling everything.

I just received an email from Jeff asking me if I would consider coming to San Diego next April to attend the first ever Killer Bunnies Convention.

Would I consider it? Are you kidding me? Attend a convention dedicated solely to my all-time favorite game? Have the chance to meet the creator (someone I must admit I have a slight crush on)? HELLLLL YEEESSSSSSS I'd consider it!

Will I go? To quote Richard Dean Anderson as Col Jack O'Neil from Stargate "oh, there's not a chance in hell".

I did some checking. The airfare alone is more than I make in a month, and I can only imagine what the hotel cost would be. Plus the cost of the convention itself, meals and transportation between the hotel and the convention site. There's no way I could possibly afford it. Talk about depressing. It would take a miracle, and I think I've used up my quota for this lifetime.

On a happier note, I told Jeff about mentioning KB in my book and that it played a pivotal role in a couple of the chapters and he told me that he was honored and asked if I would consider allowing him to write the forward. Before I even consider that, I need to let him know that it is a gay novel, and let him read it. I don't know if it would be an issue with him (I'm pretty sure he's gay), but the fact that he's a school teacher may affect his decision. I'm going to email him a copy of the manuscript as soon as it's finished.

I've recently come to the conclusion that I am a fraud....

The book that I'm writing - the words are not mine. I don't know whose they are or from where they're coming, but they're not mine.  I'm not that well educated.  When the forces within me can't be ignored, I simply sit down at the computer and start typing. I don't even know what I'm typing until I'm finished, then I read it.

I deleted the book once, and all of the back up files, with the exception of a forgotten backup on the SD card I used for backing up important documents (why I considered the book to be important, I'll never know.) on my netbook.

The last few days have seen a flurry of typing several new chapters, including a new ending. I don't know why I'm putting for the effort to type a manuscript that will never be published, but I can't stop. Perhaps if I deleted the book again, this time making sure all backup copies are erased, then the voices in my head that haunt me in the shower, haunt me at work, and keep me from sleeping will be silent.

The voices scare me. I don't know how to silence them.

I scare me. I learned recently that I am a white healer. I don't know what that is and it frightens me. My 'special' abilities, apparently to heal, scare me. I don't know how to control them. Both the Hypocratic and the Nightengale oaths contain the phase "I will do no harm". If I were to try to use these abilities, and lose control of them, I could harm someone. I think the best thing to do is to never use them again. It's the safe and responsibile thing to do. Am I right, or am I wrong?

The way Looney Labs run the Big Experiment is really cool.

The "Top Rabbit" (TR), or person in charge of the Lab wears a purple labcoat. The Top Rabbit greets people when they come into the Lab and points them in the direction of where whatever game they want to try is being demoed, or matches them up with an available Rabbit to start a new demo.

The "Tournament Director" (TD) wears a turquoise lab coat and makes sure all tournaments are running smoothly and keeps track of tournament status, points for the floating tournaments and winners.

The "Demo Rabbits" (DR) conduct the demos and tournaments. They have tabletop flip-menus that show what game they're demonstrating and they put a small traffic cone on the table indicating that the demo is open for additional players. Once the demo has enough players or is past the point where new players can join in, the cone is removed and placed under the table.

The floating tournaments (Volcano and Treehouse) ran for the duration of the Con, where players could play matches anytime they wanted to, as many times as they wanted to. They would record the results of each match and give those results to the tournament director who would tabulate the points as follows: players got 2 points for the first victory against each individual opponent, 1 point for subsequent victories against a previous opponent, 0 points for a draw, and they lose 2 points for each loss.

Let me put it to you this way, I was so impressed by the way things ran, I bought 2 tabletop flip menu stands and sleeves, 2 12" high traffic cones and 2 lab coats. As soon as I can get to a store that carries them, I'll be buying turquoise and purple fabric dye.

I think a lot of this would work well at NonCon. Not sure about the TR/TD/DR system as there are only a handful of Rabbits there.

Regardless, it's not my call, although I would be more than willing to help implement any or all of this.

Well, I'm home now. Origins was a beyond-amazing experience, one that I will remember for the rest of my life, and one that I wish I could repeat, but I don't know at this point if it will happen. Too many variables. I am, and will forever be, grateful to RealmsMasters Game Forge for making it possible for me to attend Origins, and to the wonderful people of Looney Labs who allowed be to help run the 10th annual Big Experiment at Origins even though I did not sign up in advance (I didn't know they ran demos until midnight) to be a Rabbit (thankfully, I had the foresight to bring my lab coat and Rabbit ID).

For four solid days, I did nothing but play games and have fun (yes, I did take very short meal breaks and did sleep a little). Now it's back to work-home-work-home. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm very restless and bored. I know what I want to do. I want to play games. Looney Labs games. Killer Bunnies games. Chaos Isle games, Quoridor, ANYTHING! But I can't. I no longer have my Looney Labs games, Killer Bunnies and Quoridor can't be played by one person, and I'm tired of playing solo Chaos Isle. The only game my family wants to play is World of Warcraft. There's no one else in this (many expletives deleted) town that would play either. Believe me, I've tried to find other gamers. No luck. The only thing the people in this (again, many expletives deleted) town want to do is drink, smoke pot and screw each other's spouses. I was definitely spoiled by Origins, playing sometimes until 2 or 3am.

Another thing that is depressing me is NonCon. Now that I've experienced what up until now I've only read about, and that being the Looney Labs Big Experiment, I know how it is organized and run, and would love to bring that level of organization (especially the new things they tried, very successfully I might add) to the con, but that's not going to happen. For one thing, I don't know if I will be here for the next NonCon, and the other thing is that I've passed the reins to David and Janine. It would be unfair to them to yank them back. I cannot and will not ask that of them.

I wish I knew what to do......

Again today, my head exploded.....

I got to take part in Andy vs Everybody, and even though he beat me all three times at fuzzy giant treehouse, I beat him in Chrononauts and won the coveted "I beat Andy Looney in Andy vs Everybody" purple ribbon, and I did my first official Are You The Traitor demos.

I also was the first one to play giant World War 5 on the new board that was painted at the convention. In addition to that, Andy showed me the new secret project he's working on. All I can say about that everyone will love it! It is soooooo much fun, as was the newestm and quite possibly the final, version of Just Desserts that was playtested tonight.

I have a lot of wonderful pictures that I can't wait to get printed. Usually I don't print them, but this time I'm making an 8x10 photo book.

One of the greatest honors paid to me by the Looneys was when they insisted that I get into the group rabbit picture (even though I was a last minute add-in so I really didn't have a specific part to play). I got to stand right behind Kristin.

Now the hardest part of all comes tomorrow, when I have to say goodbye to them. God knows when, or even if, I will ever see them again, but I will never, ever, forget the past few days. I know I'm going to be super-depressed for a quite some time. I'm living my dream right now, and I don't know if I can go back to the way things were before. I know I'm going to be super-lonely.

Thinking back, I was upset that I didn't have the chance to meet Jeff, but I suspect I would not have has as much fun as I did. I would be torn between Looney Labs and Playroom. Strangely enough, though, I did do a couple of KB Quest demos. One person bought the starter, red, violet and orange boosters. He will be buying the remaining sets as soon as he has the money for them.

I suppose everybody is wondering about Chaos Isle, since that is why I'm here. I demoed the game to over 100 people, most of whom bought the complete set, and convinced a few more retailers to carry the game.

Going to bed now. Tomorrow is going to be a rough one.

My head exploded today!!!!!

I had my picture taken with Peter "Chewbacca" Mayhew in front of a life-size standup of Chewy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tomorrow I get to face off against Andy Looney in Andy versus everybody. I just have to figure out which game I can play against him that will give me the best chance of winning an "I beat Andy in Andy versus everybody" ribbon.

Seeing how the Lab was run here at Origins has given me some great ideas for NonCon, if by some chance I'm still here next year.

I also have some great ideas for moderating Are You A Werewolf, having played it here.

In a way, I dread returning home. It seems that I have found my calling, if only I knew how to capitalize on it. I don't want to go back to my life the way it was, boring, work-home-work-home. I want to open up my own game store (actually I've wanted to do this for as long as I can remember, but now I have a great need for it), attend conventions, do demos and generally have fun. I just don't know how to do it. Occasional demos at Alterniverse are no longer enough for me. NonCon is no longer enough for me. What do I do?

If one more good thing happens to me I'm going to EXPLODE!!!!!!!!

It all started back in 2002 when I did my first Looney Labs event at a local convention. From that time on, I've always wanted to be part of the Looney Labs Big Experiment event at Origins, and to meet the wonderful people who are Looney Labs.

Four years later, Andy and Alison from Looney Labs were guests of honor at the convention. It was great. They are fantastic people. Unfortunately, Kristin and Robin were unable to attend due to preparing for the GAMA Trade Show and the release of their new Treehouse game. My desire to be part of the Big Experiment deepened, yet became a source of major depression for me as I knew with my finances that it would never happen.

Strange things have been known to happen. Though a freak series of events, I became the organized play program manager for a small, independent game publishing company known as RealmsMasters Game Forge.

Lo and behold, here I am at Origins. It is a mind-blowing experience.

That was the first wonderful thing. The partial realization of a dream, to attend Origins has been realized. Now to be part of the Big Experiment at Origins...

A totally amazing thing happened to me, one I would have never anticipated in a billion years. I met, and got an autographed picture from, Peter "Chewbacca" Mayhew!!!! Awesome.

But that's not even the best part. Upon reuniting with Andy and Alison (warm greetings, hugs and handshakes abounded), I was finally able to meet Kristin and Robin. Even that's not the best part.

The best part is, for the last two nights, I have been hosting, and will continue to host for the end of the convention, after-hours demos as part of the Looney Labs Big Experiment at Origins (typed with great difficulty due to the water filling my eyes). I can't even begin to express how I'm feeling at the moment. Overwhelmed doesn't even begin to describe it. It keeps getting better and better. I was taught how to play the latest Looney Labs game, Are You The Traitor? (which officially hit the stores today) by Andy Looney himself. I also had the wonderful opportunity to play my favorite pyramid game, Volcano, with it's creator, Kristin Looney. And there's more. Today I was able to see the printer proofs of the newest version of Aquarius (due to be released late July) and play a game with the prototype deck. I also was able to play Chrononauts with the new expansion prototype deck which is due out in October. Last, but certainly not least, I was able to play a game of Martian Fluxx (officially my favorite Fluxx version, due out in September), with the original prototype deck and, by his request, gave feedback on it to Andy.

I don't know how much more of this I can handle without my head exploding. If I were to die tomorrow it would be knowing that finally, at last, I was really making a difference in people's lives again, something I have not been able to really do since I left NYC. I was showing them how to relax, have fun and not worry about anything, something that is so desperately needed in these trying and uncertain times.

Actually, I did have a rather embarrassing moment. In the Looney Labs demo room, they set aside a portion of the room as the Rabbit Lounge and Kitchen, where they make homemade bread and have all kinds of drinks, snacks, homemade jams and jellies for the Rabbits who run the events. I was in the kitchen getting a bottle of water when Kristin came in. I told her how much everything meant to me, what a dream come true it was and I lost it totally. She hugged me and I cried on her shoulder for several minutes. She was so kind and understanding. I felt bad because I was taking up her valuable time but she made me feel at that moment that I was more important to her than anything else.

What will tomorrow bring? Well, for one thing, Kristin invited me to take part in the first ever giant Martian Coasters game. The coasters are approximately 4 feet square, and the smallest pyramid is approximately 1 foot high. The dice are 1 foot square. It's going to be awesome, and quite a workout, moving the pyramids and coasters around. I can't wait!!!!!

It's 2am and time to go to bed.

Today I received some very bad news that had me in tears. I used to be a recreation therapist at a nearby nursing home/residential rehab center. Even though we're told not to get attached to the residents, I found it helped me do my job better. As I got to know the residents, their personalities and their needs, an emotional bond formed.

Well, today I was informed that a resident I was really close to passed away. I knew her health had deteriorated rapidly, I was spared seeing the deterioration, so my best memory of her is her sitting at her favorite table in the activities room, with the Memory game spread out before her or doing sand art.

I will never forget you, Marie and I'm glad you are at peace and no longer suffering. Your smile, your sense of humor and your warmth will not be soon forgotten.

Goodbye, Marie.